Resolve

Resolve. That's a good, strong word. As a verb it means to come to a definite decision, to deal with, to settle, to solve. As a noun, it's a course of action.

It's mid December--where did 2009 go? I'm kind of glad it's going. The news shows are all busily compiling their year end clips--the rise and the fall, the passings, the scandals, the firsts, the worsts, the mosts...

I don't make sweeping resolutions anymore, because they are too easy to break. I did resolve to hit the gym and I didn't quite get there. In other areas, I was having a great year, getting lots done until August, then the wheels fell off in various ways.

My up moments were great! I'm happy with how my life is taking shape, I'm independent, I have a tight circle of friends, I'm close with my family, I love working on my home, kayaking, golfing and taking photographs. Good, clean living and good, clean fun.

I started the year off happy in my position at work, I took some cooking classes, and instead of taking my Spring golf week, I sprinkled days off here and there but saved up my time to spend 2 glorious weeks in Italy late June/early July. Americans take notoriously short vacations--so taking two straight weeks takes some pre-planning. Italy was incredible! Here are some snaps:

Visiting my friends Amy and Guido LaVia in Lake Como.

The farmhouse in Pereto, home base for cooking class and touring. Hello!!

Drying pasta, and taking copious notes.

The vistas were un r-e-a-l!

Fields and fields of sunflowers.

Last day, parting shot--two teensy nuns sipping cappuccino at the Pisa Airport.

Thankfully I have nearly 600 photos and my memories, because I was yanked out of my bliss two days after I returned from vacation. My business unit was shut down at work, and I was laid off.  They had no choice, but I was stunned. In between outplacement services/resume tweaking, and hustling around NYC in a suit and heels in the summer heat...my dental benefits had already been mapped out and used for the year, so of course I cracked 2 molars (granola and thai peanut sauce) this summer and needed crowns. But first, painful gum surgery so one of the crowns would fit better! My debit card data was stolen and nearly $4000 disappeared from my checking account in a matter of hours, my car needed $800 in repairs, the roof was leaking...and I had a few other invasive medical things crop up. Gimme a break!

It all got sorted out, replaced, patched, fixed, etc...except for the job. And that's a critical cog in my wheel of independence.

I don't compare myself to others, or do the "woe is me" thing. I know many people who have dealt with huge obstacles and tragic losses. My stuff is surmountable--it just came at me all in a row. I'm so lucky to have my sister, mom and close friends to help shore me up when I'm questioning "now what?" I heard the best word of my year, this week: b-e-n-i-g-n.  There is no safe route through life---ya just have to face what comes and be willing to leap.

I'm closing out 2009 looking for work, and it is tough sledding out there. I'll blog about "surviving a layoff" once I've actually survived it.

There's no list of resolutions to be compiled. I plan to have a Merry Christmas, to take 2010 in small bites...and to exude a steely resolve.